You say you're sorry. But. I don't believe you. Deep inside I feel like all you want from me is sex. You're always mentioning it and shit when you know I'm not ready. You've already stole away almost the last bit of my innocence. I only have my virginity left, but it doesn't feel like it's mine. I just want everything back. I want normal feelings back, I want to feel secure again, I want all of my innocence back. I want myself back.


You know that feeling of just absolutely breaking down in tears for hours on end. That's what's coursing through my veins right now. Although, nothings happening. I'm as calm as the snow on the outside, but my mind is in a storm. Why can't my mind and body just communicate anymore and let my feelings come naturally. I'm so tempted to self harm right now, just so I can physically feel something. But no, I promised I wouldn't and you threatened me for if I were to do it again, you would do it also so you could feel my pain. I do not want you to suffer, but this numbness is taking over me and I need to feel something again soon. Axel and Reese haven't even said hello to me properly for a while. It's like not only that I've lost myself, but now I'm losing Axel and Reese. But maybe, it would be a good thing if they leave for good.